tightrope

"so i told her i loved her, and she told me she loved me. and i mostly believed her, and she mostly believed me."

trust.
it's a really hard thing to understand how to let back in.
especially if the track record isn't so hot.
but you'll never know if you don't try.
it's like a story my pastor told on sunday.
there's a guy who was amazingggg at walking a tightrope.
he got so good that he would tightrope over niagara falls.
this obviously gained a lot of attention.
one day he brought a cart with him.
he asked everyone standing around "do you think i can make it across with this?"
everyone said "oh yes"
so he picked one of the guys out of the group,
(probably the guy with the biggest trust issues known to mankind...
i'm just guessing cause isn't that always how it is?)
anyways he says to the guy "if you believe me, hop in!"
imagine that?
i'd probably find some excuse besides the fact that I COULD DIE!
i mean i'd ask for his mental health history,
for a list of medications he may have been on.
that's just who i am.
maybe i need to take a risk once in a while.
isn't that how you know you still have a pulse?
blood pumping through your veins?
adrenaline surging?

"Bleed me"

Wrote this song a couple months ago, just about the desire to live right for God, and the constant struggle between what I think is "right" and what really is.



going through the seasons of pain and joy,
seen so many dark nights and early sunrises.
and all the while i feel you,
tugging on my heartstrings.
my hearts been broken,
my hearts been bleeding but that's the best place to be...

so won't you bleed me,
drain me down,
cause the life in me,
is not the life that you desire,
so won't you strip away my flesh and what's left?
just a set of dry bones, to breathe into.

i know i've made mistakes,
i know i've wandered,
but you still draw me back,
over and over,
and you take my sins farther,
than the east and west,
you remove the dross in my chest,

so won't you bleed me,
drain me down,
cause the life in me,
is not the life that you desire,
so won't you strip away my flesh and what's left?
just a set of dry bones, to breathe into.

my heart's been cleansed now,
Jesus take all of me,
cause that's the best way to be...

so won't you bleed me,
drain me down,
cause the life in me,
is not the life that you desire,
so won't you strip away my flesh and what's left?
just a set of dry bones, to breathe into.

breathe in, breathe out.

sleep, God, and calamities

I've stayed up for an extremely long time, with a background of barely any sleep over the weekend.
My mom is home from the hospital but she went to the doctors today.
They found something...in her lung...a nodule.
Now it could be nothing, it could be something.
But honestly from I know that God hears our cries, and prayers.

Just look at the whole situation of the earthquake in Chile, and possible tsunamis throughout the ring of fire was startling.
I have friends in Hawaii. I lived in Hawaii, this was mind-baffling for me. I began to pray because I just couldn't even imagine waking up to feeling that anxiety.
Everyone joined in prayer around the world, and while yes, many did die in Chile, for an 8.8 earthquake it was amazing how many people were/are okay. A potentially world devastating event could have happened. But the prayers of the righteous avails much.
I love when God comes to the rescue. I love seeing people turn to God in times of crisis. That's not the only time he listens and answers prayers.

He answers prayers when the waves are rising, and when the sea is calm. He listens when you are in the most confused state of mind, or have never felt more peace. He's not conditional. something to think about.

coffee

i can't wait for my morning cup.