Faint with Love

I stayed up all night looking for the one my heart loves,

and there was no sight of you.

I kept fighting sleep, so I got on my feet,

and went out looking for you.

And my heart longs for you,

but where could you be?

Others tried to pose as you,

but I could see through their disguise,

cause I know there was no fire like the fire in my lovers eyes.

Where are you my lover?

I've been searching all night.

Please return o me,

cause I can't see clearly without the light of your eyes.

For I am faint,

For I am faint,

For I am faint with love.

waves

waves break on the shoreline,
and i wish they would carry away all my thoughts.
because the morning always comes 
with all the worries that get in the way.

so come break on me
so come drag me back
so come wash over me
so come pick me up
and carry me away

should i just let go
and let the waters overtake me?
are you the water surrounding me?
or the sand that is grounding me?
are you the waves pounding on my head?

why don't you find me?
(i'm not hiding)
why don't you come pick me up,
(cause i've been waiting)
and carry me away
(come keep me safe)

so come break on me
so come drag me back
so come wash over me
so come pick me up
and carry me away


cause i was tossed,
and now i've turned,
i've been blind,
but now i've learned,
so please come rescue me
cause i'm done fighting for my breath
if you don't show up
i just might sink.

Testing, testing, one-two-three

you wanted us to be a lighthouse, 
but how will any ships be able to see,
if you just walked out on me,
TESTING TESTING one two three
what is the purpose of this one, this time?

the storm door is flung open wide,
and once it shuts it's over
the cold sea air is bringing chills down my spine,
and all i can see is the staircase i have to face alone again

TESTING TESTING one two three
is there anybody out there,
is there anything for me?
TESTING TESTING one two three
when the storm rolls in,
they always leave.
TESTING TESTING one two three
the tide is rising higher,
and the day is growing bleak,
TESTING TESTING one two three
by this time the sun is set,
and i can get these broken promises outta my head.

but i'll climb those stairs on my own,
with the candle burning bright,
cause who's gonna do it when they're said and gone
i'll point the light to those darkened seas,
i'll give up a life of love, so others can see,
testing testing one two three,
all i hope for is the strength that will carry me.

what consumes you?

A question was posed, "What do you put before God, or in place of God?"

I sat there thinking, really thinking about it...and to be honest I answered honestly.

I am making God my #1 priority, and I'm experiencing the responses to doing so.

I feel like I've been scared in the past of making God #1 because every time I try everything else gets stripped away, relationships quickly end, friends walk away, my finances get tested, and life just gets harder in general before it gets easier. So for a while I procrastinated in doing so. I lived a normal life, had boyfriends, had friends, had jobs, went to school, did church etc. you get the point.

But... (there's always a but) I got so sick of it.

So I would start off by trying to change individual situations, such as a church, or taking a semester off, or ending a relationship, or starting a new job. Things seemed to be good, and then I'd be right back at square one.

It wasn't until about two months ago that I really got sick of it all. I was in a dead-end relationship and secretly thought maybe one day it could turn around, I was putting everything in front of my relationship with God. And I had enough. I declared I wanted God to be #1, and just as usual everything seemed to fade away. 

Where am I at now?

Well, on the outside it looks like I have nothing going for me currently, but deep down I know I'm in a waiting situation. I am putting God first, and I have that peace.

I feel like people sometimes over glamorize everything with God. "Oh put him first and it all works!" Well, yes, but it takes work, it takes sacrifice, it takes commitment, it doesn't always happen overnight, and when those things get taken, or walk away, or treat you wrongly how are you gonna respond? In anger cause bad stuff is happening? Or in joy because God is using this all to bring him more glory. Put you actions where your mouth is. Make him number one, the longer you wait, the more junk you're gonna collect that you'll have to give away.

new blog + new chapter = new season

Well, I felt like it was time for change. For a fresh start, and with that I needed a fresh blog. It's almost as satisfying as opening a brand new journal and writing on the first page. It seems that I always write on the first page something like, "It's a brand new journal, brand new season!" and I get all excited, but then things turn out the same way they always do, and those little declarations of a new season turn out being bitter reminders of how jaded I can sometimes be.

However, I've said all that to say no longer!

I have literally had enough with my life thus far, with my experiences and just hoping things will turn around. I am now taking this seriously. I am so beyond done with living a so called "normal life." I am done settling for less than God's best for me in all areas of life. I have the utmost faith that this is in fact a new season, that God has totally swiped me from a potentially crippling path, and has placed me on a narrow one. That's why I absolutely love that picture with all the trees on top of this blog. 

Think about walking hand in hand with Jesus, secluded by all the green that surrounds. What would you talk about? What would he say? Where would you be walking to? Would you be focused on all your hang-ups? NO! You would just be staring straight into his eyes, saying, "Wherever you're off to, I'm not leaving your side! I'm coming with you!"

These are all the things I've been thinking about.

Where you go I'll go, God.

-Christie