I wrote out my vows to Ian today. On Sunday we are getting married. I am so extremely blessed to be with such an amazing man. I started crying while I wrote them and found myself thanking God for bringing him into my life. I don't think I've "arrived." I don't think I ever will "arrive" however today I couldn't do anything else but thank God for answering my prayers. I always hoped for, wished for, prayed for "him." Today I was able to truly say and see one of the deepest desires of my heart be answered.
Friday morning I'm moving to Syracuse. I never thought I would subject myself to 3 feet of snow and here I am...my room is all packed. I wouldn't move for anyone else. As scared as I am I know that Ian is who I've been looking for and Syracuse (although it WILL NOT be easy) is where the both of us need to be. I'm so excited to begin our lives together and experience the story that we live out together. I'm excited to be a wife (hopefully I'll be good at it...the cooking is a whole different story). Once I'm settled in I plan on updating this more often. So stay tuned!
We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. -Hebrews 6:19
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Don't worry little lamb.
7Therefore Jesus said again, "I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep. 8All who ever came before me were thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. 9I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture. 10The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
11"I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 12The hired hand is not the shepherd who owns the sheep. So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. 13The man runs away because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep.
14"I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— 15just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep. 16I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd. 17The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life—only to take it up again. 18No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father."
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
simplify
I am preparing for a wedding and the thing that I love most besides the fact that I'm marrying my best friend is that we both like to keep things simple. Neither of us like things over the top (thank God because a groomzilla is not attractive). Not only are we getting married but I'm moving up to Syracuse. I've lived in my room since I was about 10. That's a good 13 years worth of crap in here. Now I'm no hoader (secretly I am obsessed with those TV shows) but I do have a lot of stuff. Last week I donated four bags of clothes and shoes that I haven't worn probably since high school. I also gave my sister my desk which forced me to go through my drawers and purge whatever I could. As overwhelming as it is I love being in my room now. It is no where near completed but my drawers are dissolving and it will be a lot easier when I need to pack. I also have a problem with wishing my life away. I set deadlines, or goals and wish for them to get here sooner. For example, the second I start to drive back to Long Island after leaving Ian I begin focusing on the next time I see him. I don't think it's wrong, I love him and just want to be with him. But I find myself wishing that the time would speed up and sometimes I miss what is going on right now. I don't think God wants us wishing our lives away. I remember being a kid and wishing I could turn 13. Believe me, that's one wish I shouldn't have made. I mean really...13? What an awkward time to want to arrive at. Either way I think simplicity frees my mind to put things into perspective and enjoy life where I am at...as hard as it is.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
in the sun, thunder, and rain
I am extremely frustrated lately with traffic. Since I live on (or in for those not from here) Long Island I am plagued with the fact that working 9 to 5 is absolutely obnoxious because of rush hour traffic. The LIE is continually backed up, and a trip that should take 15-20 minutes turns into 1 hour or longer depending on the day. This is a rant. I realize this. I cannot stand it, but hear me out, I'm not discounting any other location and the traffic you'll find there. I am just fed up with Long Island traffic.
Someone told me a story today about how he was sitting in stand-still traffic on the LIE when the driver in the car in front of him got out of his truck. The man strutted straight up to the person telling me the story and tapped on the window. He began to curse out and scream that he was cut-off (now remember...stand-still traffic...no one is moving). My friend stayed in his car and suggested that the guy got back in his truck where his son was eagerly watching. The irate truck-driver continued to scream and began threatening, explaining he would follow him home. He eventually got back in his truck and pretended to follow for a couple miles...traffic.
Now I'm not blaming that guy's anger management issues on the LIE, however I can see where he may begin to lose it. Sometimes while I'm sitting there I wish I could be in a plane looking at the miles and miles of ant-sized cars all backed up. It's kind of sad to think that most people in this work caravan can't stand their jobs. Most are working paycheck to paycheck. Many are thankful they have at least something. I sit there knowing there's more, yet the bills need to be paid.
I've always had a hard time with balancing practicality and spirituality. In my heart I'm signing up for risks and in my head I'm talking myself out of them. This morning started very similar. It felt like another monotonous Wednesday as I forced myself out of bed. I stuck with my morning routine and left earlier than my usual time trying to beat the traffic. Travel coffee cup in hand I merged onto the good ole LIE. The sky was blue and the traffic update stated the usual, "Delays to Exit..." The bumper car game started and the sky was no longer blue. Storm clouds rolled overhead and the raindrops began. They soon fell harder and faster and next thing I knew I was in the middle of a torrential downpour. Behind me were blue skies, off in the distance I could see it clearing. Just in my present location I was being drowned. Lightning bolts darted around and the thunder shook the pavement.
In all the commotion I felt super close to God. I felt him leading me on, reminding me of what lies ahead. I won't always be stuck. Within 10 minutes the rain passed and the sun was shining. I didn't have a spectacular day and it wasn't dramatically altered. However I did feel God close to me, and what can be more important than that?
Someone told me a story today about how he was sitting in stand-still traffic on the LIE when the driver in the car in front of him got out of his truck. The man strutted straight up to the person telling me the story and tapped on the window. He began to curse out and scream that he was cut-off (now remember...stand-still traffic...no one is moving). My friend stayed in his car and suggested that the guy got back in his truck where his son was eagerly watching. The irate truck-driver continued to scream and began threatening, explaining he would follow him home. He eventually got back in his truck and pretended to follow for a couple miles...traffic.
Now I'm not blaming that guy's anger management issues on the LIE, however I can see where he may begin to lose it. Sometimes while I'm sitting there I wish I could be in a plane looking at the miles and miles of ant-sized cars all backed up. It's kind of sad to think that most people in this work caravan can't stand their jobs. Most are working paycheck to paycheck. Many are thankful they have at least something. I sit there knowing there's more, yet the bills need to be paid.
I've always had a hard time with balancing practicality and spirituality. In my heart I'm signing up for risks and in my head I'm talking myself out of them. This morning started very similar. It felt like another monotonous Wednesday as I forced myself out of bed. I stuck with my morning routine and left earlier than my usual time trying to beat the traffic. Travel coffee cup in hand I merged onto the good ole LIE. The sky was blue and the traffic update stated the usual, "Delays to Exit..." The bumper car game started and the sky was no longer blue. Storm clouds rolled overhead and the raindrops began. They soon fell harder and faster and next thing I knew I was in the middle of a torrential downpour. Behind me were blue skies, off in the distance I could see it clearing. Just in my present location I was being drowned. Lightning bolts darted around and the thunder shook the pavement.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
dress me in love.
Last night I picked out my wedding gown. It is absolutely beautiful and I cannot wait to wear it on our special day. My mom, sister and best friend were there for moral support. They encouraged me that I looked beautiful and I believed them. I felt beautiful and even got a little teary eyed. I was shocked by that.
This whole process is teaching me a lot about myself. Actually being with Ian has taught me a lot. Seeing the way that he looks at me, hearing the way he talks to me, and knowing the way he treats me it is obvious that this man is in love with me. I am head over heels for him and have never been so happy.
One thing that we both realized is that we have stayed consistent. When you are initially interested in someone you daydream or wonder about them. Sometimes this builds up who the person really may be and they are already on a pedestal. This is a risky place to put someone. It also puts a lot of pressure on them to amount to your idea of them. I know I've done this in the past. However with Ian we both took each other for exactly who we are. He didn't make me out to be perfect (just a little shy from it...just kidding) and I didn't look to him as my savior. We had healthy expectations. I can confidently say that the guy I first talked to is exactly the same man I am preparing to marry. He's 100% honest, and genuine. I also learned how I carry myself. I'm amazed everyday that he loves me the way he does. It opened my eyes to a perspective of how Jesus feels towards us. There is passion, concern, love, commitment, and a healthy jealousy (but that's a completely separate blog entry).
This whole process is teaching me a lot about myself. Actually being with Ian has taught me a lot. Seeing the way that he looks at me, hearing the way he talks to me, and knowing the way he treats me it is obvious that this man is in love with me. I am head over heels for him and have never been so happy.
One thing that we both realized is that we have stayed consistent. When you are initially interested in someone you daydream or wonder about them. Sometimes this builds up who the person really may be and they are already on a pedestal. This is a risky place to put someone. It also puts a lot of pressure on them to amount to your idea of them. I know I've done this in the past. However with Ian we both took each other for exactly who we are. He didn't make me out to be perfect (just a little shy from it...just kidding) and I didn't look to him as my savior. We had healthy expectations. I can confidently say that the guy I first talked to is exactly the same man I am preparing to marry. He's 100% honest, and genuine. I also learned how I carry myself. I'm amazed everyday that he loves me the way he does. It opened my eyes to a perspective of how Jesus feels towards us. There is passion, concern, love, commitment, and a healthy jealousy (but that's a completely separate blog entry).
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