today

today i had one of those days that was long, but had amazing results.
i am finally officially a music major.
i got into all the classes i wanted for next semester.
i will be graduating in a year.
i am so excited.
i just feel like things are finally happening.
i've been working so hard to get to this place, and i had a lot of odds against me.
but i'm here. i did it. and i'm so happy.
i think january is going to be awesome. i just feel it.
and this time i'm ready for it.
i've been waiting for it.
but i'm also excited to finish out this year.
i often check out come November and just focus on January.
but i am just enjoying where i'm at and where i'm going.

ellis island/statue of liberty

paperback, hardcover, or hidden

i walked around barnes and nobles today for about a half hour before my friend met me there for some much needed coffee.
i looked through the different sections starting at music, then off to art, and ended up at the christian section.
as i stumbled around i began thinking about all the different authors.
how many hours and days, years, and lifetimes were poured out into the pages that surrounded me.
how many books go unnoticed.
and if i were a book in that store what would i be?
would i be sitting in the shelf dusty? or would the people who work there know exactly where i belong because i barely ever had a shelf life.
which is better? which is more useful?
i'd like to think i'd be the hidden book, waiting for that special someone to hand pick me, and be so delighted to find me, because well you had been searching for me all over the place, maybe you even looked at the shelf a hundred times, and just never saw me until you weren't looking for me anymore. would they clasp me tightly and proudly hand me off to be purchased. walking out of the store inviting me into your world. placing me on your passenger seat to go wherever you were headed to.
would i stay at your bedside? i would i be cried on? would i be marked, highlighted, and read aloud? my inner secrets made known to others, but if it were by you then that'd be fine. would you tell others about me? would you forget me? and once again pick me up and spend hours and days together. would i inspire you? would you relate to me? would you believe my story? would you want more? would you look to another book but still keep me as your favorite? would you spill coffee on me one morning? would my pages be torn? would you throw me into a corner? would you gently place me down before bed?

i almost think

music has been filling the silence.
[your] absence is still felt.
i wish i had a song to fill the void.
to explain how you can miss someone you've never met.
but all i have are the feelings.
maybe soon i will be able to say exactly how i feel.
but right now i know i'm in the midst of it.
and there's no backing out, or calling it quits.
i'm in, all in, and maybe that's why it's so hard.
i know i'm still in the intro, our first verse hasn't even begun.
and i dream in chords of what our chorus will say.
as anxiously as i am to start recording i know it takes two,
i'm waiting for your que.

i woke to

i woke up to a buzzing sound.
i'm allergic to bees so my immediate reaction was fear.
i mean it was loud, and it woke me.
i looked around, laptop was closed.
alarm clock off, cellphone not vibrating.
i couldn't figure it out until i looked up.
in the window beside my bed was a ladybug trapped in the window.
i was first shocked that it was that loud that i would be able to hear it.
i opened the window and freed it.
and then i sat there.
how often do i feel like i'm screened in, screaming and no one can hear me?
how many times have i been just staring out at the world that i so desperately long to change and live in, yet i can't get out of the glass box, my cage. how i long to fly.
to be free. but then i thought about something else.
i heard the ladybug, who hears me when i'm in a similar situation?
i believe with all my heart that God does.
it doesn't make sense, look how small i am to him, he could squash me in a heartbeat if he really wanted to.
yet, he hears my buzzing, he hears my discomfort, my longings, my pleas and my prayers.
i wake his heart to free me, to save me, to hold me.
it really just blows my mind.

what is it that drives you?

Photo Credit: Shutterstock




i'm wondering what it is that drives [you]?
what drives me?
why do i stay on the road, where am i heading?
what "detours" am i crossing?
where am i being re-routed and thinking it's just a waste of my time?
no there are some turns that may not be on the original trip that you thought you were taking.
what matters most is what we do during those times when the GPS is saying, "re-calculating route please wait"







the point is it isn't all about reaching at the destination.
sure one day we will get there but it's about the journey.
if we rush each mile, each day, each step we will miss the whole point.
i don't want to miss out. i want to wear the miles on me.
i want to eventually look like someone who has lived in the moment.
i don't specifically know what the end of the road looks like for me,
but i'm excited to travel to get there.










Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Empire State of Mind