sleep don't weep

there are stories about the night i was born how i couldn't sleep. the nurses didn't know what to do with me, so naturally they put me in with all the baby boys. however their brilliant plan backfired because i kept them all awake. bewildered they brought me bundled into my mom's room. they explained that every other baby was sound asleep and that they didn't know what to do. my mom asked for me, and as they handed me to her she says she saw my big eyes wide open and she knew that there was something about me...

i remember waiting to be tucked in by my parents as a little girl. they would come in, pull my picture books off my bed and put them on my dresser. i was a talker and i would have to tell them everything about my day (meanwhile i spent the day with them..) they would kiss my forehead and pray over me. i remember laying there feet against my slanted ceiling waiting for sleep. i never wanted to sleep. it was completely a hassle in my little brain.

i remember being old enough to put myself to bed and hearing the knock at the door when it was time to shut the lights out and go to sleep, and i would always call out, "five more minutes!" i discovered reading by flashlight, and was busted quite a few times. waking up the next morning for school was torture and i vowed i would go to be earlier that night. yet again around 8:00 pm my second wind arrived and i was awake for hours.

i've gone through periods of time where sleep has been a luxury, or i ease into it. lately it seems whenever i'm exhausted during the day i can sleep easily, yet night is still a chore. i feel like a fourteen year old knowing i need to go to bed but can't seem to fall asleep even if you paid me.

i'm utterly exhausted though.